woke up and realised he never came to bed last night. I’m sure everything is fine, but my passive aggressive wheels are spinning :(
could possibly have another reason besides eating something yesterday that didn’t agree with me that is causing me to feel sick to my stomach…
experienced again tonight the feeling that he isn’t being fully honest with me when we talk about our finances. just feels like he’s lying, not being honest with me, leaving out details.
I’m trying to find grace for myself.
I don’t confront/approach him about hardly anything because I know that I have my faults as well and don’t feel like it’s fair of me to judge him without being willing to work on myself…proverbial plank and splinter…
I’m so frustrated that he doesn’t touch me. I love kissing. love it. really turns me on. we never kiss. only in bed, right before we have sex. why does it have to be that way? I’ve tried to talk to him over the years. he always just seems really hurt, that he’s not doing something right. which is not ever what I’m saying to him. I’m sure it’s what he hears, his ego is really sensitive. which is something I’ve just realised within the past few months. which sucks because now I just don’t bother with stuff that bothers me because I don’t want to deal with his feelings getting hurt. I’m such a lame wimp. I want to be an adult. but we never seem to get anywhere.
I hate that I don’t have an actual person to talk to about my marriage. I really hate that I can’t talk about the things that are bothering me in our marriage with my husband.
why does talking about sex, with your spouse!!, have to be such a no-no? I don’t know how much longer I can be ok with the way things are. I’m not ok.
talked a little today to a friend. second time I’ve said some stuff out loud. I guess it’s getting easier. not fixed, but easier.
how do I navigate this? I am trying so hard to be gentle with meeps and I think I’m doing a good job. not perfect but good. but I just can’t keep it controlled with bud :( and meeps is old enough that when I lose it with bud, it affects her too :(
how do I keep it together? I’m falling apart and I don’t feel like anyone is helping me keep the pieces together…
kind of having a crap afternoon. not too sure how this evening will go. I wish my bad attitude didn’t have to ruin it for everyone else.
really frustrated right now. feels silly to say that I’m feeling pissed off, but I just can’t think of another way to describe it.
had a really great, honest talk with a friend today. I needed that release so bad. I wish I could fully unload all of what’s bugging me, but I think I was able to say enough for today.
I’m bummed that it is so easy for my feelings to get messed up. I’m so quick to get upset. I am getting to be so much better at verbalising my emotions. I feel like I have such a long way to go still.
struggling with some anger right now. so frustrated that things can go from fine (which really isn’t good to begin with) to not wanting to be there in the blink of an eye.
how do I wrap my head around not being happy or even content. hard to look and see the positive potential that could be. the status quo makes me mad and tired and sad. it doesn’t seem to have any impact on him. things seem like they can just keep in keeping on and all will be fine. how is that ok?
